Rulers of the Internet: Kittens

           We've all been there: sitting at our computer, bored, trying to procrastinate whatever it is we're supposed to be doing and that's when it happens. This intense draw toward YouTube. Or worse, the video has gone viral and is on your Facebook wall eight times. And what are all of these videos of? That's right: kittens; the scourge of the internet. Look upon the beast as it licks the blood from its paws; the blood of our precious time, which it has so ruthlessly devoured.         
            This menace must be stopped, and that's why a group of scientists in Russia have been preforming some very interesting experiments. As we all know, the beast cannot be destroyed by conventional methods, and that's why the scientists, who hail from many different backgrounds in the field, have developed the High-speed Audio-vibratory Molecular-device - H.A.M. Using H.A.M. the scientists theorize that by propelling the kittens toward one another at the speed of light, they will, in turn, destroy each other. Thus solving our kitten problem. Here is actual footage from the first tests of H.A.M.:




           I think these test videos make it quite easy to see that the days of Kitten Over-Lords are finally dwindling. Soon we shall be free of their tyranny and dictatorial ways. One day we will be able to look at them as they cock their heads to the side and ask, "I can haz cheezburgr?" and resolutely, as the human race, say, "No, no you may not have a cheeseburger." Until then, be brave and use passive resistance to overcome their reign.

À demain,
Tobais